kidney infection.....

Great time at the symphony this weekend!...this is one of the pieces they played....sooooobeautiful....

and it's October.

Sitting here in my pjs in bed...warm and getting sleepy.....

I have somehow managed to get another kidney infection....i have kidney problems anyway...but last night it hit me all of the sudden...chills,pain in my lower back..i felt like i was going to die....I hurt all night got into bed and covered up with my electric blanket set on 7..i still had chills....

went to the dr.today and got into see him finally...took a test and both kidneys are infected...he put me on antibiotic then scolded me about letting it go for a while...but i'm so busy i never think about myself really...i'm always focused on work/business, and half the time worrying/thinking about and/or missing family and friends so much so that it's actually painful....but that's just me...

been thinking a lot about those people i love and miss....i'm just sick and feeling bad today i suppose..i need to stop thinking about things and try to rest..but i can't help worrying about them and missing them...

i still feel kinda nauseous right now...didn't manage to eat anything at noon today when we all met up for lunch at Subway.....i just stared at my small sandwich and picked at it....lol...

the antibiotics are so strong they make you feel just as bad as the kidney infection does, so double that crappy feeling....annoying kidney infections..oh well.

nite.

symphony orchestra tonight......

Finally got back online this week.

Yesterday, i did a little grocery shopping and went to pay my car tag sticker dues whatever they're called...which i think is stupid that you have to pay for that kinda stuff...lol....i think it's all about bringing in extra tax $'s or something of that nature..but it's annoying and stupid to me!...haha...

Then i got the oil changed in my car...they had to replace the oil filter in it....it was super dirty and they had to check the tire pressure....the cold air the past few days had really made them low.....AND one tire had a nail in it....why is there ALWAYS a nail in one of my tires??!

The football game was really COLD last  night!.....I went w/Amy& Lacey to see her brother play....it was still cold with a jacket and blankets wrapped around you..Brr!.....we got hot chocolate and we cheered them on...Lots of people there...sometimes i think people like football games COLD...they have everything all pre-planned and everything you know....their own rituals.

i'm not much on football games really....i'm more excited about going to the symphony orchestra tonight....We're going down to Texas to catch a concert...Yes,i'm a nerd for the symphony..Thanks to my high school music teacher who taught us about all kinds of music..i have a great appreciation for all music...i know some people say it's boring..but i really love how just the music tells a story...you can get lost in it just by listening....

i think this music is better than a lot of the choices we have to hear these days...not to sound like a boring person, but i do think that...it's good to give all music a chance you might find something you really like.

we've got our tickets...going tonight...hope it's not too cold!

xoxo

several steps ahead....

This is my favorite bad day song....lol....It just tells exactly how i feel on a bad day...always good for days like this..

Everything is so crazy right now...man, it seems like everything has been going crazy and crazier with all the hillbilly relatives..fighting/mouthing/screaming at each other and everyone else in between caught in the middle of it,which would be Me, and the other sane poor souls left in the entire family...

I don't know how much longer we will have our sanity after all this crap...it gets old and wears on your nerves daily..it's just boring...somedays i wonder how much longer i can deal with all this stupid nonsense...they love to play mind games..the scarier the better for them...they love to scare people..i've had a lifetime of them..so i'm already quite a few steps ahead of them on anything they may try to pull....ooh i'm soooooo scared!..Boo-hoo!...Bwahaha!!!

but i'm a pretty tough girl i'd like to think,so i will stand my ground throughout this..i'll take the mouthing,the lies,the threats..anything they wanna throw out at me into the world or my face...yeah..i'm ready so bring it on..because i just really don't care what they say or do or whatever they wanna stir up...i'm so bored with them/this...Yawn!!!...lol.. 

i try to ignore them..sure i'd love to knock them all out!...LOL!..but that wouldn't do anything but give them what they want...they want any kind of attention they can get over their stupid fighting...they try to provoke you....so i pretend they don't exist....I TRY very hard to pretend they aren't real...Haha...it's a tough thing to attempt...i'm just like:"Yawn!..nobody gives a crap..shut-up and go away hillbillies...FAIL!"

they're all spinning out of control and i swear there are days i could just pick up everything and go away..FAR away until this is all over with them....i wish they would all disappear....because honestly i've had enough of them and their insanity...it's just constant.

whatever their cracked minds are furious about who knows?...they probably don't even know...haha!....it's just very unfair to be thrown into the middle of this insanity just because i am related to all of them...i hate them all..everyone for miles and miles hates them....when nobody likes you..it's a pretty sure bet that you've got problems...LOL....and THEY do have problems....they're cracked in the head,insane...and they're hillbillies..haha!!!

it's gotten so bad i don't answer calls and i let the machine get it..you never really know what they're going to scream about..so at least i can record them using that...lol..

i'm just so sick & tired of all this stress with them...and i think that's just pretty sad & pathetic that i have to put up with them....

i wish they would just shut-up and go away!!!...ALL of them..just disappear....i hate them all..

nite.

Butternut squash soup.....

Been a busy week already, lots of tough work piled on me....not whining!....but kinda tired...

the weather has warmed up to the upper 80's...so my cold has almost vanished!...without having to see the dr....feeling better so far..saved me a dr's bill so i'm not complaining..despite how much i want it to be COLDER weather now!....lol...

Going to start cooking many more dinners at home now that i can turn on the oven and stove...considering that summer is over, it's ok to have extra heat in the house....besides it's fun to cook at home to me....

Today i made butternut squash soup...YUM!....it was pretty good i have to admit...I like to make soup in the fall...

See,i like to cook fall themed too in the fall...i also love to bake butternut squash like this w/a little butter....it's a fave of mine this time of year....i called it "Squish".when i was a little girl..LOL..i still call it "Squish". to this day....it just kinda stayed in my vocabulary.....haha..."What's Julia making for dinner?".."Squish!"...everybody always looks at me kinda puzzled and then they remember and laugh.."Oh,ok squash..NERD!"....Haha!!!

lots of work tomorrow..off to bed..

nite.

pumpkin carving party....

Last night was the pumpkin carving party at a friend's house..had fun!.

No super spooky artistic portraits carved on pumpkins like some people are able to...just more whimsical&cutesy--just like me.. ;)

It's really amazing what some people can do with the carved pumpkins...wow....impressed.

We cleaned out the pumpkins(everybody brought their own from the pumpkin patch) and then we dipped them in bleachy water to somehow supposedly keep them from becoming moldy and gross...hopefully that works!

then we put the patterns on them and carved away.

It was fun carrying on with everybody--laughing,being loud,silly,goofy and crazy...love you guys!!!....we ordered pizza and then we ate candy...yes, there was tons of halloween candy!

 

Supposed to go on a haunted hayride tonight..but looks as though that's not gonna happen----thunderstormy all nite they're saying..oh well,so we may all have to cancel til next weekend..

 

 

xoxo

changed hair color for fall/winter.....

Still can't get into see the Dr....all booked up...Everyone has this stupid cold/flu!!!

Colored my hair...Love it!!!..it worked..no longer a Blondie...lol...I am a warm medium brunette with red/gold highlights throughout my hair....Great color..lots of compliments already.Needed a change for the fall/winter season..blonde was getting boring...and i get bored easily with all things in life so i have to change everything up from time to time..yes,i am a strange creature that way i suppose...lol.

Today i did a little spraying to kill off massive sticker weed patches in the corral and in the pasture...you gotta kill those sticker weeds before they get out of control..so did that today...i used a mask/gloves..hate chemicals but sometimes you have to use them.

Worked around on moving fallen tree branches off the fences everywhere before that causes any damage...then went home for the day.

talked to friends over the phone.. we all laughed at my sick squeaky voice..*sad face*

MISERABLE.

SICK.

I HATE THIS.

*cries*

off to go stand in the shower and cry, so i can maybe sleep tonight and breathe.

stress causes anxiety......

Spent most the weekend resting..still sick with cold/flu crap..bleh.

Did get to visit with a friend i haven't seen in at least 5 years....I saw her at Walgreens of all places...she was getting a flu shot with her boyfriend and asked me if i wanted to go have lunch with them there in town..so i agreed..

She's still the same and she told me she still suffers from anxiety...Everyone has anxiety at some time in their lives..I have it occasionally when i get to thinking too much about stupid things..mainly worrying about money/health/family/friends/paying bills/land payments/animals.....stuff like that from time to time....

But anyway...she is kinda a hypochondriac i think....she looks for health problems....things to go wrong...which i have been that way a few times...but you can't help but worry constantly about your health when we are nagged at by every doctor you go to, or every tv news report or medicine/health ad on the tv is constantly saying:"Look out for this and that or you'll die!".....lol you know how it goes..blah..blah....good lord, enough is enough already!!!...let up on it people!

i think they're just trying to keep business booming for them sometimes it seems like that....health related things are just making money for the pill pushers/doctors..etc...in other words it's just about the money mostly, like everything else in this world...Sure they try to keep people informed about their health...but they go way overboard and have created a society of anxiety ridden/paranoid/pill-popping depressed people...so there's a pill for everything.which makes them richer...some doctors/pills are good i know that...but geez....pills for the stupidest crap..i'm like:"Are you kidding me?a pill for that?!"

you might be having a good day,then you get it all shoved in your face from tv/newspaper/doctors...everywhere ya know...oh let's worry now because they say so!..lol....My Grandpa's doctor wants to throw a pill at him for everything and he never gets the prescriptions filled..he says it's all stupid...and i say he's right...I like his attitude of:"Who gives a sh*t?" when it comes to all this medical crap they want you to get paranoid over...who gives a sh*t really...LOL..

Friend who i'll call K.(to protect the innocent..lol)...started asking me about hard boney bumps on the back of the skull at lunch..She asked me if i had one on each side of my lower skull across from each ear..and she had to feel the back of her skull.."Feel the back of your skull and compare the bones"..lol...I was nice about it and she goes:"Feel my skull..i have lumps in the back of my skull."....lol...I was like:"Yeah i think everyone has lumps there..it's how your skull is made.don't worry, i never even knew i had lumps on mine til you told me...i don't think mine are even the same size..who cares"...i smiled...

she's still the same..Bless her..I feel bad for people who suffer through that anxiety hypochondria..but i don't blame them..i sorta know how they feel..i blame life in general..all the stress we have in our society...causes all that worry and anxiety..times are hard..life is not easy breezy!...it takes a tough frame of mind to avoid all the outer influences that are thrown at you constantly...you gotta learn how to steer away from all that BS and laugh in it's face....keep on going on with your life..don't focus on the bad in life all the time..there's good out there the news just won't tell you about that i promise!...haha..

i have learned in the last 10 years that ME+Stress=No Good....so i avoid stress as i can...it's not good for anyone...i'm basically through with the BS so called society out there..i like my simple middle of nowhere life....when faced with worries/anxiety..i do the best i can....i've never taken any kind of prescribed pill for any of that..no depression pill,no mood pills or whatever they are..nothing...i learned how to control my feelings mentally..otherwise it will beat you down...make you go bonkers.

whenever i start to feel anxiety or worry i try to keep busy here on the farm doing something worthwhile....i spend a lot of that weird worry time playing with/feeding/talking/taking care of my pets or the other animals..i find that spending that time while upset/anxiety ridden with animals is VERY therapeutic because the animals are souls/spirits they communicate not through words but by actions or barks/moos/purrs etc......sometimes it's better to deal with those worries by not talking to humans..but to those spirits...they're like therapists i think....animals are my psychiatrists/shrinks whatever they're called...lol..

so i told her about that when she was telling me how she still suffers from anxiety and she liked that....I also told her to stay busy working on something close to her heart/soul...nothing stressful..painting,music,reading, or creating something..works for me anyway...

i turn all my negativity into creativity...hey,that rhymes!...lol

36 degrees tonite...Brr!.electric blanket time!!!...

nite-nite

sick with cold/flu....

Got the flu..

i hate this!!!

spent most of last night and early this morning standing in the shower crying because i can't breathe out of my nose AND i'm coughing AND i'm sneezing AND i'm a whiny pitiful mess..boo-hoo!!!...the shower kinda helps me breathe better...

now i know why i've been hurting all over...feeling sorry for myself.

I also have lost my voice...it comes and goes...LOL..Everybody laughs when i talk and they're calling me "Squeaky"...Everyone else:"Aww Julia it's so cute you're voice is squeaky!"....Me:laughing and wanting to cry...least i'm not the only poor fool in town that's got the flu..

don't want pneumonia again..bleh....

Can't get into the Dr. for a WEEK!...can you believe that mess?!....Grandpa mixed me up some whiskey/lemon/honey at noon today...for my cough and he took a huge drink out of the whiskey bottle(as usual)....LOL!....i took a shot of it...yeah it works a little..But i had to venture out and find something at Walgreens so i bought this upon recommendation from my cousin pharmacist..maybe it will work til i can get into see the Dr....

 

Oh and i also went to the beauty store and found a haircolor finally..hopefully this works..and i don't end up with carrot orange hair or something....haha..supposed to be a pretty color they said...we'll see....i got the last 2 boxes...apparently it's a medium brown/gold/red mix....keep your fingers crossed...lol..i'm coloring it sunday i think...

 

I just got out of the shower...sitting in bed watching the Discovery Channel..it's all shows about Alaska tonight...makes me think of Winter..

 

 

i really hope that medicine works..helps me rest..i'll probably eat a handful of plain Cheez-its(yum!) with my medicine this late in the day so i won't puke...eww...Haha..like anyone cares about that useless info..god i need to go to sleep AND breathe AND shut up right now...lol..

 

 

xoxo(flu germs)