goodbye october!!!.....

Yeah so it's Halloween!!!...
 
Staying home tonight...it's been rather windy and damp feeling...not good for me to be out in tonight...I had several invites tonight, but i'm just staying home and thinking about how I should have went somewhere tonight.....LOL....sometimes when I feel that it's best to stay home from something I usually end up being completely right about it!!!...
 
I would have probably been miserable at any party tonight or seen someone I didn't wanna see...haha...ya know how that goes.
 
of course I have bought a big bag of

 

I will regret the sugar tomorrow..but I say Who Cares!...some people I know are probably at the bar tonight partying somewhere anyway, as is my Dad and everyone else!....but me i'm not.....

 

I have to agree with Ryan this world doesn't make any sense to me either...I mean, I find myself wanting to stay away from society more and more...it's just the weirdness with people and the way they treat you/act/think/behave...it's just truly confusing and i don't want to try to figure them all out..you can drive yourself crazy worrying with this dysfunctional world we all have to see and live in......

 

I suppose that's why I like to stay home most days and work with animals...NOT people..of course I'm not a hermit or psycho I DO have friends and family I see and spend time with...haha!.it's just the strangeness of people in general out there ya know?

 

I'm not going to be someone i'm not or change my life to "fit in" as those people think i should...i'm happy they can have their weirdness and go on about their own business.

 

see you in November!....lol.

 

nite.

smalltown health care.....

Foggy all day...I had a lot of errands to do, so this morning I called and got the P.A. to call me in a new antibiotic--3 day Z pack....last night I coughed non-stop...I took a hot shower which the steam did seem to help a little at 1am...my head/neck/chest and entire body hurt bad this morning....Advil has helped with that.

What really makes me mad is how in the smalltown nearby that's closest---they have a small medical clinic with limited equipment and a nurse or 2...but no real licensed doc...just a physician's assistant who can write prescriptions/evaluate you, but isn't really too keen on what's going on with you....but has his attitude that he believes he is a real licensed doc....lol....where's the licensed docs?...I guess they don't wanna live in the middle of nowhere and get less pay or be talked about....ha.

Like Grandpa said today;"Smalltown politics, everyone knows everything and everyone's business(they think)you can't get away with anything..everyone knows your every move"....haha...I couldn't get away with anything if I tried and I live in the country!!!..My Dad lives down the road from me....LOL!
 Everythings kinda always a rip off around here when it comes to doctors or anything like that...like today when I called in to tell the nurse my antibiotic gave me an allergic reaction she says:"Oh, he may want to see you before he calls in another prescription.".....I got mad and I told her:"No...look,i was just in his office to see him a few days ago I paid you already....he already knows what is wrong with me..i just need my medicine changed so I can get better."....she cleared her throat and said:"OH ok!....um....I will tell him, i will call you back.".......

See, it's all about trying to get more money out of you clearly....why is everything a total rip off anymore?...yes, i'm grouchy but geez....i'm sooooo tired of "the run around" about everything!!!

of course that took all day---finally called it in at 2pm and it takes me awhile to get to town...Totally ruins my whole day when i have stuff i gotta get done and then have to wait on the P.A. to decide when to call in a new medicine for me....all the while i'm feeling really bad and grouchy....lol....

nite.

allergic reaction....

Been a rainy day....my favorite kinda day actually...rain makes the fields/pastures grow.

guess I don't have to help plant wheat fields this week! yay!

Was up most the night last night coughing, wheezing, sneezing...couldn't breathe....found out from the pharmacist that I am allergic to the Bactrim antibiotic the Dr. prescribed me....yeah..just great huh?...I have been itching all over last night and this morning after my morning dose....I felt awful...so far I have taken Bactrim/6 tablets over the past few days...the allergic reaction showed itself last night.

pharmacist told me today to stop taking the Bactrim antibiotic and take Benadryl....so I took 1 as a dose, then another 1, 4 hours later....still sneezing like crazy...so I gave in!....I took 2 more separately spaced apart by 2 hours...now the sneezing has STOPPED!...finally.....relief.

man, it's been rough with the sneezing, coughing, wheezing....and they are all allergic reactions to this Bactrim antibiotic...never again.

I will call the Dr. on Monday and get some other antibiotic to fight this bronchitis/sinus crap....miserable....really wish I wasn't an allergy sufferer!!!...being that I work in allergy causing situations every day...and I love all my animals..who also all cause the sneezes unfortunately.

my big allergies are to stupid ol' mountain cedar and ragweed....we've tried to push out every cedar on this place with the bulldozer...just for me!...lol..besides mountain cedars love to suck up all your water sources..they will drain your land dry fast.

nite.

not just a steer...he's my pet.

On Monday--finished getting all the calves that need to be weaned, loaded up and moved....Those guys always get through fences somehow and they're pretty good sized calves...It's like magic or some vanishing act they do to get through a fence line....lol.

Had a huge long talk with the men(elders) in my family about selling my steer....His name is Blue(named after my fave color) I raised him on a bottle and fed him in the barn until he got big enough to pasture out...His mama abandoned him an no other cow could take him....so someone had to raise him...and it was me..Of course I have fell in love with him and he is more a big ol pet than just a steer...he runs out to greet me in the pasture and bucks and kicks when he sees me....aww!...he licks my arm and hand so I will pet him....it's really cute and I see him as a pet NOT just a steer.

He's been banded so he's a steer now...really I wanted him for a bull for the herd but there's already a bull and you know they would fight..so at my Grandpa/Uncle's/Dad's advice I had to have him banded months back.....So now sunday nite they all had a talk with me about selling Blue because I could get about$1200 for him right now with prices being so good...and...I...said....NO!

Of course it's going against all a real cattleman stands for and especially in this family...I'm the only girl and naturally I see things differently than they do....Sure I will pass up $1200 because I love Blue he is like a pet....I raised him and he is attached to me...they think i'm crazy and disagree...They kept saying "That's no way to work an outfit...you can't keep it running wasting money like that kid!!!"

I know they think I am crazy for not wanting to sell him..but he's a pet to me...and I think it should be my call on this one.....$1200??? who cares he's staying.

oh! and finally saw the Dr. about my sinus infection/bronchitis---gave me Bactrium.....hope I get better!

perfect fall day....

 

I did some baking today and I made pumpkin bread with cream cheese icing.

 

Sooooo GOOD! everyone agrees....guess I can make pumpkin bread?...haha..

 

It's been ALOT cooler this week and is starting to really feel like fall....perfect baking day.

 

It' so funny how people get "all about the pumpkin" this time of year...lol...Well, it's hard not to--pumpkins are everywhere....All of the stores are running low on pumpkin pie mixes and pumpkin in the can...Luckily I took the advice of friends a few weeks ago and stocked the pantry with pumpkin in a can, pumpkin pie mixes and also other various canned items....

 

the stores around here don't keep their shelves stocked....so if you don't buy something when you see it..you may have missed out this season...oh to live in the middle of nowhere!.....haha...but I love it..being isolated in a way...

 

 

the past few days have been busy...I have a lot of things to get done this week...don't think i'm going to church tomorrow i'm just way too tired..

 

 

xoxo

never will be the same.....

Life is funny.....People come and go in your life..They leave, they die, they disappear, you hate them, you love them, you despise them, you miss them...your heartbreaks-it sometimes heals easily and sometimes it never does......all apart of your life story...living life.

the oddest part is standing in a line somewhere after not seeing someone like that after so long and just thinking about them randomly...and realizing that they are no longer a piece of your life.....kinda makes you sad in realizing that...like it kinda just finally hits you in the face one day ya know? after so many years....I think:"Man, I really miss them and I wonder where they are or what they are doing?"....Then it sinks in:"Oh. yeah..why care!..never gonna see them again...never will be apart of my life ever again."....

and some people I have had come into my life that's probably a good thing I will never see some of them ever again..lol...but others it's so heartbreaking...some people DO oddly in fact come back into your life randomly...it's crazy, as I have had some great friends from highschool suddenly appear in my life again over the summer.....it was one of those:"OMG! where have you been for 12 years girl?!"Why did we ever stop talking?! What happened.?"

I do question a lot of those what happeneds and whys....weird...I guess that's craziness of life..part of the game.

the sadness is not getting people you cherish back....there's just always something that will be missing in your life..sure new people come into your life and all...but they can NEVER replace them....just a substitute..like fake sugar...not the real thing!...haha...I mean it looks like sugar and sweetens tea like sugar but it's just phony chemicals..... ;)

I remember a going away party for a great friend several years ago,well after the party and the friend left for a plane out of here me and another best friend looking at each other and crying:"Never gonna be the same without that crazy guy around here."...I said:"Nope...never" 

Life will always be sorta off center/weird and just not right without them....just going on through life the best you can---trying to smile along the way/be happy!....lol...and you'd give anything just to talk to them but can't......

but that's me anyway....

pumpkin spice cream cheese......hmm.

good driving song.

 

Dust in your face, dust in your eyes, dust in your mouth, dust on your clothes, dust in your hair, dust in your truck, dust in the sky, dust everywhere!!!...

 

I seriously need to invest $3.00 in a dust mask.....or i'm a gonna die of pneumonia caused from dust!!!..lol...I have asthma and that only makes it worse....

 

Just got back from a cow sale......

 

then went to the grocery store to buy a few breakfast items...I bought bagels and pumpkin spice cream cheese....haha...actually I tasted the pumpkin cream cheese and it sorta tastes like pumpkin pie....lol...hope that works for breakfast.

 

going to help a few friends with some cows this today/evening..moving them...always fun!!!..*sarcastic face*

 

xoxo

hilariously hiding something from me.....

The weather finally got cooler last night.....I slept really good...BUT I woke up with a allergy cold thing...yeah...bleh!!!...sneezy/coughing/headache can't breathe....the whole thing....just wonderful.

I will say one thing, this cooler weather is the BEST for working outside...the animals love it as well...

went to church this morning to be sociable in town ya know....lol....so they won't think i'm a total recluse...haha....the feedstore, gas station, oil/tire change, and the café know that i'm NOT a recluse!...I probably give them at least a quarter of their income....Haha.....joking....well the feedstore will really be banking on me and others in a few months....

really been upset for one of my "greatest best friends from highschool" she's been dealing with depression and it's been really tough on her this year considering she lost her granny who raised her..i feel soooooo bad for her..she's a great person and doesn't deserve all that pain...she calls me crying some nights and I just cry with her.....you hate to see your best friends go through depression and be in pain....all you can do is be there and listen.....

I don't know if I've ever been actually fully depressed..i mean these past few weeks have been tough as you know...but I haven't been that low....and I hope I never have to be in that position and despair....so I just keep my prayers out on the line for everyone I love/care for and others who need comfort in bad times.....

What you don't know is that I already know and I don't care!!!
today I realized something about my relative who I have been upset about.-----Why do people go to great lengths to cover up all the bad things they have done and hide them from their loved ones?....

Look,I understand you are ashamed of yourself...BUT....Why not just tell me and get it over with?...because I probably already know and don't really care...I love you anyway.

I have a feeling it doesn't really matter to you that others know about what you have done...I've been told.....but oh my goodness! How you are afraid i'm gonna find out!!!..so much so that you are in tears and almost suicidal that I might find out...you've gone to crazy measures to keep it quiet from me..LOL!..so in some ways I suppose I can say that at least you care about me enough and love me enough to want to keep this stupid crap from me...haha!!!...it's actually quite hilarious how far you have gone to hide this stupid BS from me....LOL...

and to see YOU of all people be in such a weak state and suicidal over ME finding out this stupid stuff???!...I'm sorry but LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!That's too funny! but I suppose it's because I look up to you and you're supposed to be a role model for me throughout life and you know that...it would kill you for me to see you as a criminal...but I never would.---it's not terrible stuff...but not good either. 

You're hurting me more being so evasive and secretive....STOP trying to protect me from the truth.....I really don't care whatever you have done.....-----I have a feeling it will soon be all better....things will look up--this all rests on your actions not mine---so fix this upset feeling...only you can.I have hope.staying positive! I do realize and understand that I am not the one with the problem here.it's nothing I have done at all.it's something you are afraid of me knowing about or figuring out.like I said., probably already know.and yeah whatever who cares.no big deal people make mistakes like that everyday..it's called being a human being...lol

nite.

not much to say.....

this was on the radio today...love it.

Today has been a kind of weird day I suppose you could call it...Is it just me or am I too quiet around large groups of people?..sometimes I just stand there and try to smile and laugh at their stupid jokes that are truly unfunny...lol....

some people just talk non-stop and I feel like a dork or something just standing there with nothing to say......sometimes I just don't have anything to say I guess.....I think more than I talk..which could be a good thing maybe?....i'm a girl of few words..i spend most my days home working...I don't see many people actually.....i'm used to talking to fence posts and animals more than people...haha!!!..and that's alright with me.

thinking about the neighbors and the stupid feud they caused on this property a year or more ago....sad really..people don't think about their actions.....but oh well, I guess that wound won't ever heal between us all over that....sad because I don't wanna have any negativity with anyone ya know?.....

I would hope that I have more friends than enemies....their land disputes/property lines disputes/their trash dumping and trespassing on my land then they screamed at me.....a year or so ago......still they hate me because they got called on their actions!.....I haven't spoken to the neighbors since then...but I don't hate them over it they need to get help for their addictions....

seems as though they hate me still.....because they got caught in the wrong?...

some people.

my brother told me I care too much about everything....he's probably right....I've got a great brother though...he tells me the truth not a bunch of crap that I wanna hear or believe.....

going to put a sealant around the windows outside this weekend...winterizing for winter...before the cold sets in...this house was built in the 30's and remodeled...it gets cold and too hot...but it's home...I like the fact it's so old.....it's got that "old farmhouse on the dusty plains" charm...lol

another day done and I still have questions and feel unsettled in my heart....can't sleep too good either lately..i lie awake and wonder what is going on with my family......hopefully I will have answers and feel better about all this soon....if not i'm gonna go crazy.