lost by the lake....

Rather cold and windy yesterday and today..Target practicing was really windy and cold..Brr!...I was eating sand most the time because it blew sand off the hill into everybody's mouth...Haha!!!...it was really gritty when you tried to talk or anything..i had on sunglasses and a blue white checker jacket thing I wear that is old...but comfortable...we practiced 35mins probably total....I hit the bulls-eye every shot...I'm so proud of me.

went to lunch at Pizza Hut with my family who took me practice shooting...then went looking at old shops downtown at my Grandpa's old hometown...

then we drove around the lake and they showed me the huge lake and it was so pretty!...really vast and I'm sure it has a lot of fish in it!..there were some fly fisherman out on the edge of the banks in the water with waders on....I know they had to be COLD...dedicated fisherman..too cold for this girl!...lol....I don't like cold and windy weather at all..but when it gets to be 112 degrees this summer I'm sure I will have a different idea....lol.

we got lost taking a different route home from the lake!..it was too funny...my cousin was trying to figure out which lake road was the right way home and she kept laughing....finally she didn't have to call her husband because we saw a highway after going through all those tree lined country roads and there was the highway!!!..we made it back to her house safe and sound...it was fun..i was very tired though when I got home.

so glad we got home before dark..kinda spooky around there...if you get lost at nite..eek!

love j.

electronics.....

Since the weather has warmed up it feels great to get out of the house as much as I can...Sooooooo TIRED of staying home so much...I feel like I should get out more and enjoy town and being around my grandparents and other family....it's good to leave the house and explore the world sometimes...lol

I usually like to stay home but I get kinda antsy staying home so much since I haven't seen many of my friends anymore...I know they are busy and I'm just a country girl stuck out in the middle of nowhere....haha...they have busy lives I know...

finally figured out how to set the dvd player with my tv..it gets rather complicated when you have so many cords to work with and plug into the tv....I need a blu ray player like everyone else it seems but I'm happy with this good old dvd player...

watching the dvd seasons  of 24  tv series) my favorite tv show ever!!!...it's really good like a movie actually...I don't have all the season yet..i just have 3, 6, 7, 8....funny I know...I have just found those so far they are sort of tough to find in the stores...but I will try to collect all of them..i will sleep better now getting to watch 24....

going target practicing again with my other family...

thinking of painting the house gray ? or white ? or ?...something calm and cool....

btw, I hate cellphones..using my old one again...I HATE CELLPHONES...never can get them to work....

nite nite.

nerd slush....

Went with Grandparents today to help take them to Dr. appointments....I love them so much!!!

Bought a sonic slush called Blue Raspberry Nerd slush!!!...haha...it's blue and has nerd candy in it...I have to laugh at myself because I am a nerd..so I guess it's good for nerds......and nerds who like the color blue, like me!!!...haha.

got my haircut the other day...it' so nice to finally get it cut and my head feels lighter....not so weighed down with all that hair because I have really thick strong hair and the beautician told me that too..she was really sweet and down to earth...she didn't try to sell me a billion hair care products or anything like that and she was very helpful and gave me hair instruction on how to use a flat iron the right way to not damage my hair.....really helpful she took the time to show me that..Thanks!

went target practice shooting..i did really good my cousin told me(on the other side of my family)...her husband was really detailed in his instruction on gun safety and taught me a lot about how to use a gun and fire and be careful how I used the gun and pointed it at targets...it was really a lot of fun for me to learn about that...I learned a lot more than I ever have before about guns and gun safety...

it's a good thing to learn new things everyday.....it can be helpful in the future if you ever need to use a gun to protect yourself---being a single girl lots of girls need to be able to survive on their own and have ways to protect themselves from harm...

I do not own a gun.....my family members have guns...I'm  really interested in target practicing and shooting at water bottles filled with water and watching them disintegrate into pieces....had a lot of fun!!!

thinking about painting the outside of the house soon...sick of this color.ideas ideas...

worrying for no reason...

Right now I want to talk about how worried I get about everything all the time and I do worry for no reason..I worry so much I have had an ulcer before that lasted for quite awhile..i was worrying about my family and missing them more than I could stand...crying is ok but it's not good for anybody to cry so much over silly things.

I suppose it's ok to miss people and worry about them all the time but too much is not good for anyone..time and how far away they are really upsets me and everyone who loves someone in their family or even their life...

I tend to worry so much that I get myself worked up into an anxiety and I will sometimes cry about that stupid silly stuff and be insecure...when I know it will all be ok..and someday I will get to see them even if its not going to be right now I have faith that God will see me through my upset feeling...I don't know why humans have to feel so much..i wish I could be numb to a lot of things in life just like the cows in the pasture they sure don't sit around chewing their hay and wondering about stupid things in life I'm sure or over analyzing EVERYTHING all the time like I do.

I have a lot of people who do love me and care about me and I know they do it's just so tough when you can't be with them all the time.

I think I need to just accept how things are and go on with my life the best way I can right now..so when I feel hurt I just go on, it's all I can do...i hope I don't go crazy feeling so much and missing so much..but I know I have God to get me through all things in life...he's always with me...when I am scared.I found this bible passage from a relative who told me about it this morning...it helps me...maybe it will help someone else.

so as of today I will NOT worry so much and everyday I will continue to get better.

Luke 12:24-34

Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?  "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!  And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.  For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.  But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.  "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.  Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

weaning calf.....

Been outside this morning fed my calf Stormy got her down to half a bottle of powdered milk..half in the morning and half in the evening...she's also been getting 3 scoops of creep pellets she likes to eat that with some alfalfa hay--I got a few bales from my uncle L...he just gave them to me so I appreciated that!!! nice of him to help me out with this stuff.

so Stormy really likes to eat alfalfa hay and her creep pellets more than a bottle now I think..she also drinks plenty of water so I'm kinda trying to wean her off the powdered milk bottle..she likes water more so now but she needs lots of water....summer will be here soon and all animals and people need to drink lots of water..i know I need to..lol

it rained a lot this morning so that makes me feel better about having cows and no drought going on (hopefully we won't)and I get really worried about that because I think of the ponds drying up and the creeks and all that kinda thing happening...because no rain means NO green fields and pastures and no green grass to eat for the cows and other animals...

I don't want another drought to happen.

Wish I could get a new horse...dream dream dream..maybe someday...don't matter what kind I'd just love to have one to go riding in the pastures and stuff again...my grandpa used to have one and I used to get to ride it when I was younger and I loved that horse his name was Gus...but he got old and nobody could ride him anymore.....but anyway I'd just like a new horse someday.

I really want Freckles back I thought that horse was so pretty..maybe sometime...such a pretty horse.

the barn leaks real bad I noticed this morning so I need to get it repaired for storing hay and farming things in there it needs all that old dirt scooped out and redone but a girl can dream can't she I do anyway..i like projects like that...maybe someday I could build me a new barn in a couple hundred years!!!...haha...

excited to go target shooting tomorrow!!! hope it's not too muddy tomorrow.I am getting my hair cut tomorrow..nervous and kinda excited to get that done and see some of my other family for a while....it's good for me to get away from here for a day and see different people and things..it's good for me to just get in the car and go somewhere else for a day....

Happy Easter....

It's a cloudy overcast sunday I'm sittiing outside on the sidewalk at home typing on my laptop thinking about everyone I wanna see for Easter...I have came up with all kinds of colors and decorations I could have had at MY Easter party.....and even a dinner I could have cooked...I would ask everyone what they wanted first that we could cook for dinner today then I could cook it and plan out a menu....BUT maybe next year, I'm hopeful..

I just hate the fact I can't be with my family and friends today..

Easter is all about being with your loved ones and I want to tell you that I love you Dad I know you are busy and can't be here for Easter I can't wait to see you and give you a big hug.

Happy Easter to all my friends and family.

love Julie

festival....

Went to the Rattlesnake Festival yesterday for a while...It was ok..i didn't see anything that really was worth seeing that I wanted to buy or anything.I did see some bracelets that were cute for $2 but I didn't buy any because the guy was kinda rude or I don't know what his problem was...he was just trying to sell his things there at his booth and it was kinda annoying...so anyhow I don't need any new bracelets from him anyway.

Everything at festivals can get kinda pricey and I bought a lemonade for $5 and I could make lemonade that tastes better than that but oh well I just like lemonade and I like it to taste a certain way....it was kinda like it was out of a bottle with lemons thrown in it...haha..don't wanna upset these people I was just kinda disappointed.

I did go look at the snakes in the "snake pit" and it was ok but the snakes were snakes and it was ok to see them but I expected them to be different looking and not so small..they were young I suppose I was wanting to see the older snakes in the pit...I'm not scared of rattlesnakes but if I was outside and one chased me I would be VERY scared and run away because they are very poisonous and can hurt you...fangs that they bite you with are what have poison and those things terrify me they are so spooky looking....

it's kinda funny I went to the festival all about snakes and I am rather scared of them!!!...lol..

would have been better if I could have went with all of my family..but oh well that's how things have to be right now I hope things get better.

I didn't even get anything to eat from the vendors and I didn't buy anything goofy or silly and that's what most people do..but I didn't...I don't know why I really went other than to get out of the house....

cloudy day....

I like cloudy days, the sun is good, but cloudy days are prettier...lol

Tried setting up my tv earlier today with my dvd player to see if it will be compatible..can't find the directions so I guess I will look online for the answers to all my tv questions...help.

Fed my baby calf Stormy today and she is really growing..i think she is going to be a really good heifer..she's gaining weight and she is getting 14% creep pellets and I have cut her powdered milk bottle back to half in the morning and half in the evening....so I think she is going to be a really good heifer when she gets older...she's really pretty too and she is friendly and likes to be petted...she still needs to buy me a new set of ear phones for my music player..Haha!!!

been playing computer games on my laptop at night when I can't sleep still not sleeping well maybe I will tonight if it will rain a lot.

nite nite.

whatever....

My baby calf Stormy chewed my music player cord this morning I was listening to music and I wasn't paying any attention and she chewed on the cord and damaged it..Haha!!!...it still works but I know it's going to short out..woah is me.....I will have to buy me one soon they aren't expensive at all.

Bought a new nail polish called Cinderella its a pale light blue with sparkles..really pretty like her dress in the cartoon.

ate at long john silvers today...I really like that greasy stuff...lol...my favorite is the fish but I like that cider vinegar the best on it...I know it's not healthy but I love that stuff every now and then..i like all kinds of stuff to eat..i get very sick feeling if I don't eat on time at 11am...I feel weak and yucky...I probably need a vitamin.

excited to get my hair cut but kinda nervous....I think everybody gets nervous about stupid things.I know I do..I've just been really tired lately and not sleeping good anymore..i wish I could just sleep normal again.

Not celebrating Easter this year with anyone I guess no family or friends..i have a million billion things I could plan for Easter dinner, decorate, and play stupid games and be a nerd but oh well..there will be other holidays I know when I can be with my family...

oh well.

stress = buy a coloring book....

Been kinda stressed out lately not sleeping too good..considering how things are....

I've been working on word search puzzle books and today I bought a coloring book...haha!!!...yeah I know go ahead and laugh but I don't care...coloring is fun and I love to color....I had a bunch of old crayons I had a few years back and I am using them....

I bought a Disney princess coloring book it has Little Mermaid in it..my favorite! If I could ever be a mythical creature in a storybook I would be a mermaid..i love the water and I love to swim!!!...lol...

coloring is fun it makes me calm down just being creative and working in things.I love to color with and choose the colors..lots of people of all ages like to color I know I do....so when you get stressed out or need to calm down color in a coloring book with crayons or paint something...be creative.

my mind gets stressed a lot from other things in my life..so when I get upset I listen to my music player or play games on the computer, work word search puzzle books, or now color in a coloring book...I think it's good to color..keeps your mind focused on colors not words so much and it makes my mind calm down and forget all I worry about.

yes, I'm a worrier....but I gotta work on that.

excited to go target practicing soon!!!

keep things cleaned up....

Been totally tired and feel exhausted at times over the past couple of months..maybe I have been my whole life.My whole life has been about being tired I think sometimes..tired and confused about things in my family and well I guess my life too...but I guess a girl can figure things out eventually on her own...

Trying to clean house a lot lately..ok I haven't really lately but I do try to keep clutter out of my floors and clean the floors, kitchen, bathrooms,, bedroom all the rooms!!!...lol....something about me is I love to keep things tidy when I am staying home a lot I hate smells of pets and I always think that a person needs to keep their cat litter boxes and floors clean of messes and deodorize things with cleaning products..my cats make messes all the time in the floor and the dogs stay outside but anyway...

.I like to keep things cleaned up and smelling nice I love bleaching things and making sure they are very clean and no bacterial stuff anywhere because that is how you get sick....haha!..not a germaphobe or anything I just think a person should keep things cleaned up I come from a family of clean freaks my Grandmas on both sides are all about cleaning things..it's an old southern thing I suppose that and cooking....so I come from a family of old southern ways (not all the family ya know) but the ones I love are very strict about manners and cleaning and cooking...my aunts that I have left and my grandmas on both sides....but one grandma is ALL about the manners and cleaning....

something else is that my Grandmas and my aunts that I love DO NOT like cussing or being nasty about things when you are around them....I have been taught to behave like a lady sure I slip up and cuss every once in a while when I get mad,but I just laugh and go on..but definitely not around my aunts or my Grandma..yikes...

people always laugh at me being such a cleaning person but you need to be clean and I like washing clothes and cleaning up dishes, sweeping, cleaning bathrooms-messes around the house and around me all the time..i gotta clean that up!!!...lol...that's just how I am...I don't even like dog poop in the yard so that needs to be cleaned up too...I always try to stock up on cleaning products and bleach because a girl has gotta be cleaning things or pretty soon you can live in filth...no need to be gross and unclean...

just like people need to take baths and get haircuts and men shave..they need to stay cleaned up..i don't like all these beards either so much...I like it when men have a shaved face..no need to hide..but I think men need to shave or anything but those beards those are kinda unclean looking...but who cares what I think..it don't matter to me..i'm just talking about when they're not able to shave that's ok if they have to have a beard and look like a caveman...haha....it's ok I'm not being a neat freak or anything...I'm not telling anybody how to look or anything or think..whatever.

I love perfume but I haven't been able to find me one I like just yet so I guess I will wait  and see if I get a perfume for my birthday or Christmas..i like perfumes and colognes and I like smelling them and picking them out...like I picked that cologne out for my dad...

I like things and people to be and smell clean...when I see them or in a store..they should be clean and look clean but  some people are homeless and don't have any money and I understand that..i feel sad for them....I'm very sweet about people I don't even know...

nite nite

love ya.

hair cut soon....

Thinking about how im going to get my haircut..leaving it the same color...I haven't cut my hair in a looooong time at a beauty shop but I've trimmed on it myself with scissors..I just don't know much about all the hairstyles but I'm just getting long layers or something I think...A lot of people like to get those really expensive haircuts for like $200 sometimes..but I think that's a waste of money really when you don't have any money to waste...

I just always color my hair myself and save money that way too..it's easy to color hair just follow the directions on the box but sometimes I need help with mine because it's so long....I think it will be good for me to get my haircut and get all those dead ends trimmed off!!!

 coloring your hair all the time and bleaching it damages it..but I'm not bleaching mine or anything like that....I just have before and it's not good for your hair and I don't think it looks good either..color is better to me than that harsh yucky color I was wearing and yeah I know it looked bad...

leaving town to get my hair cut.

as for nails..i don't like fake nails they hurt my fingers and make them bleed but I have had them done before by a very nice lady from around my hometown..she did a really good job on my nails that day for something at school....I had the biggest crush on her grandson...his name was Kyle..he was there while she did my nails...he kept making me laugh...I wonder how he is doing now?....I would like to see him sometime.

one time I was at a garage sale and this other guy I knew from high school named Stevie..well his grandma was at that garage sale and she stopped and told me that she had always wanted her grandson to marry me and she thought I was the cutest thing she had ever seen...I thought that was sweet of her...it's so funny I had a crush on him too he always made me laugh...I have crushes on guys all the time..i'm so silly....they probably never think of me....lol.

yes, I'm a nerd...haha

love j.

almost forgot to say....

Someone told me that my Dad has bought me a few presents and I want to tell him that I will love them all no matter what they may be...I know I can't see him right now and I just want him to know that whenever I get too see him finally I will give him the biggest hug in the world and tell him I will love them...how much they cost or whatever they are I don't care I'd love them just because he got them for me!!! anything he would give me as a birthday gift or Christmas gift I will love it no matter what because he thought enough to think of me...

I wouldn't be mad at you over anything Dad..i know you love me and I hope you know I love you too..God made you my Dad because he knows you love and care about me.

nite nite. j

new blue shoes sometime....

Soooo windy out there today..i wish I could turn the wind off....lol...Finally got to see my brother today...sure was nice to talk to him after a few weeks of not seeing him....he's been very busy with his job I know...

been feeling a little better i just get over emotional when I have PMS...Haha...it makes a girl feel sad, stressed, angry and cry a lot....I hate that....I think too much about dumb things that annoy me or worry me...I'm silly...I guess.

Still trying to figure out how I'm going to keep using the oven since the weather has turned warmer...won't be using the oven much this summer...it heats the house up too much..don't need all those sugary things anyway...not til it gets cooler weather again I suppose....lol..I have cooked all those sugary things when the air is cooler in the mornings so the house won't heat up but anyway you know how that goes.

in the summer I wish it was -2 outside and in the winter I wish it was in the 70's like spring...I think spring is my favorite season but I also like Fall....I like pumpkins, Halloween and all that fun stuff...

still want to buy me some new nikes..I want some more blue ones or in the blue-ish color wheel..I've always wanted a turquoise/blue pair of nikes so I finally found the pair I have now these are a few years old and kinda getting stained...tried cleaning them but cow lots aren't good for blue nikes!!!..oops.

was good to drive today.

love you Dad.

random things today....

random thoughts:

ice cream cups from Braum's.

lemonade.

Taco Bell.

I want to sleep better.

I need a new pillow.

gonna go target practicing soon.

wanna take gun classes.think it would be fun.wait and see!!!

gotta paint my nails.

haircut.wait and see.

new Blue Thunder t-shirt.

love you.

nite.nite.

be a lady........

Been a kinda hot day..can't believe it's already this hot in April...it will be time to go swimming before too long..if I can find a good place to swim...I've always loved to go swim since I was little tiny baby....

spent time today feeding my animals....it was sooooo hot my little calf started drinking a lot of water and I have too!..i always drink lots of water but I have to have a lot of water to keep my kidneys filtering right..they get to hurting me when I start to drink icy slushy drinks in the summer so I need to keep that in mind...

been thinking today also about all the people who protect you when you are around town or around home all the people who are there to keep you safe when you are defenseless or need help in the middle of nowhere....and they can be friends who love you, family who loves you and law enforcement like local police departments because I was thinking today that a lot of those guy have saved my life at least a billion times and I probably don't even know them....and I just wanna tell those guys thanks for that....it's gotta be a stressful job and I know sometimes they probably don't know what the next day will be like....always wondered how people work in stressful jobs like that and protect people they don't even know!!!...I think that's really cool that they have a job putting their lives on the line like that for someone they don't even know or maybe do know.....that's brave.

I hope people never judge me for how my hillbilly kinfolk from my hometown have treated people...because I'm not like that and I don't act like that so I don't ever want people to throw me into the same category as them...because I get kinda upset about that sometimes and I think people judge me for how they act(because they have before, people I don't even know have said mean tacky hateful things to my face my whole life) and I don't need to go around apologizing for how many people's lives they have ruined or anything....but I think I always need to...so don't ever judge someone you don't even know just because they are kin to people who act tacky or ruin things for everybody because it really hurts when people do that to you....

I'm a great person and I have NEVER behaved like they all have, I am a lady and I am tired of being looked at like the trashy nasty people they all are...it really hurts me bad and always has....I will NEVER be like them and I am proud of myself for that too and I know the rest of my family that loves me is very proud of me too for being a lady and respecting myself..and everyone in my life I love.

Dad, thanks for always looking out for me and keeping me safe from all of those mean old hillbilly kinfolk....if it wasn't for you I'd be a piece of crap like them...you've kept me safe from them and ran them away from me for a reason..because you love me enough to do that to keep me safe!!! and you have! I am a lady because you have kept me away from all that bad stuff they all do!!!I know they have treated you like crap too and I know you are a good person..you and Uncle B. and the rest of us nice people in the family....so thanks!!! I love ya for that too!!!

nite nite.

i love music.....

I just really wanna thank everybody for what they did for me yesterday..I love you all and a million billion hugs from me to you...because I was getting sick and feeling really bad...you have saved my life!!!....I really appreciate that I didn't know what to do!!! I am so THANKFUL for you all!!! thank you Daddy.

I really love music I always have....I like all kinds of songs and I like to try to figure out what the song means..what the lyrics are saying...because they all tell a story about something in life...but some songs I just don't like and I just don't like the type of music or the singers....everybody's different in their favorite types of music and singers....

I'd like to say I like all kinds of music but I just really don't like all kinds...I have my favorites and that's how everyone is I suppose....I like to sing too and everyone has always said that I am a good singer...but I don't know if  I am really...I'm not gonna brag on myself or anything like that..

something I like to do is sing karaoke someday i'll buy a karaoke machine....you always have to find your key and learn the song first and practice makes perfect...I have years of practice singing and I've never had a voice lesson but if you wanna sing you should try it and learn the songs first and take voice lessons if you want to..but I've never had a voice lesson at all...so I guess I am blessed with a good singing voice....

you should pick out a few songs and listen to them on a mp3 player or ipod and sing along then go buy the karaoke audio track music to learn it...then sing it with or without the music first then keep singing along til it sounds almost like the real song...just be on key and everything...I think I could teach some people to sing karaoke..i just have to learn the song first myself if I don't know it...

I just like to sing because it makes me feel better when I'm scared and stressed out...yes, I'm a nerd..lol

j.

it's ok....

It just breaks my heart when I can't see people I love because I miss them so much...I miss so many people in my life and I start to cry about it and I cry a while then I start to laugh when I think about something silly they say or do....because I know I can't see them it just hurts me to know I can't see them for a while..

I need so many people in my life right now and I know I can't be around them or see them because they are busy in their lives with other things and I'm not able to be around them at all...somedays I wish I could just get in a car and go see them and just hug them and tell them how much I miss them and I love them...

I miss some of the people in my family too because I'm not able to see them because they are so busy and I miss my brother, cousins, uncle B. and my Dad...also....it's gonna be ok I just miss them a lot and I wish I could see them all the time...I just get upset about things like that and I miss my friends soooooo much because they are all busy too.

everything will be ok.

letter to a friend....

I have this friend that I have been friends with since I was in high school...I haven't been able to see her in a while and I know she's probably busy with her work and I hope she's doing just fine...because I miss her and her mother and little brother and sister....

I hope everything is ok with them because I've been busy helping take care of my grandparents....I know she went through the same thing and she would understand....

so if you ever see this accidentally just know I miss you all and I think about you all the time and I am praying for you.....because sometimes we worry for no reason....God makes all things possible....

I know you're too busy to call me but I just wanna tell you everything will be ok..

I miss my other friends S. and K. hope you will see this too.
j.

i love cowboy stuff....

Something happened yesterday to one of my baby calves and I got upset over it but now I'm fine..it's just the cattle business and I know I have to "Cowgirl up" to be strong over this kinda stuff....I have to laugh about the things I get so upset about and just go on...

I even have a sign in my room that says "Cowgirl Up" and I bought that to remember that I need to be like my Dad when I get scared or upset because for a long time he had this sign on his back window of his truck that said "Cowboy Up" in white letters...and I bought that decoration that says "Cowgirl Up" for my bedroom because I was real sick with my kidney infection for quite a while and I had to stay in bed a lot so when I kept getting sick I would look at that decoration and remember to be tough about being sick and scared because it reminded me of my DadChad.....and it worked!!!

I stopped being scared and worried the whole time, because I would look at that decoration and I would remember to stay strong, be tough, and not be afraid because I wasn't able to see him all the time for a while and I missed him.

so everytime I looked at that sign I would think of my Dad and know I was going to be ok...I love him more than anything in this world for saving my life....because he has.....I will always take care of him too.....just like my great grandma did....

anyway, been wanting to watch some cowboy movies.

tired of stupid mouthy people from my hillbilly hometown..yawn...

all the while they mouth at me, lie about me, I laugh because I just get that much tougher like my Dad and all the other cowboys in my family....All my guy cousins and those girl cousins who care about me (my Favorite cousin A.W.T.(that I annoyed the other day on the phone because I was spooked) and my Uncles B. and  L....and my grandparents...because I think of them and I know it's ok to be tough....

so thanks for talking to me A.W.T. because I'm not scared anymore and I hope you know that I love you.....and i appreciate you too!!! I'm ok...I hope....lol.

about this cowboy movie stuff I've been wanting to watch, I really need to find a good cowboy movie an old one or a new one don't matter because that's my favorite kinda movie to watch is old western like Gene Autry and Roy Rogers.....and I think i'd like all the new ones too....so I need to find some of those to watch with my Dad and other family and friends....

I haven't had time to watch many movies, but maybe I will have time to catch up on all that stuff sometime because right now my life has too much crap in it...I wanted to see one in the theater a while ago but didn't get to....and there's other movies I'd like to see but I just haven't had time.

I think I saw my Dad yesterday...I think that was that silly!!!...I miss him and I love him..hope to see you soon Dad.

hugs!!!

healthy and pretty...........

I've been thinking a lot about wearing makeup...and I've decided that maybe I just don't need to wear much makeup at all or any makeup for that matter..maybe just a little foundation and mascara.....

Wearing makeup can be fun and everything but putting makeup on isn't going to make you any more pretty...what makes you pretty is how you treat people nice and respect them, and how you live your life the right way following God or whatever spirituality you have, and how you feel about yourself is what makes you pretty....if you have low self esteem all the time you feel ugly and do ugly things...so it's all about how you feel and live your life that affects you being pretty...

so if you feel down about yourself all the time you feel ugly and feel that you should be wearing makeup to be this pretty person that you think is pretty on a magazine cover or in a movie...that's not real stuff....just because you think you have to look like someone or something to feel pretty isn't a good thing to be thinking about.....being pretty isn't about wearing some expensive lipstick or makeup that is $100 a bottle or anything like that....or plastic surgery you don't need any!!!...because you don't need all that to be pretty to the people who love you...because the people who love you will love you no matter what even if you have a weight issue or you are a silly old mess they will love you anyway...because I love people who I love, no matter what and that's all that matters...

it doesn't matter what you look like it's all about how you feel about yourself....I know I'm pretty without makeup I don't worry all the time about my weight...because I don't give a hoot owl about it... 

People tell me all the time I am a very pretty sweet girl and I know I am, and i don't act like a snob...I just eat to be healthy and sure I know I need to workout more I just can't right now but I will be able to pretty soon I'm hoping....I don't have a weight problem or anything like that...I just get to feeling like a mess sometimes like everyone does.....

there are a lot of healthy things to have at breakfast and dinner and I like a lot of them...but not everybody has to like the same healthy stuff all the time...because nobody likes the same stuff at dinner or whatever..everybody's got different things that they like that are healthy...

I like to go walking...but I really need to get in a gym.....but who cares about that right now...the timing isn't right.....yet.

so who cares about makeup, plastic surgery or weight..because I don't...I'm pretty and healthy already..and I am confident and comfortable with myself and my life..

another thing is i don't need a bunch of crap to buy all the time and waste my money on either..all those material things buy you is sadness and credit card debt you WILL NEVER PAY OFF they own your soul from the minute you sign that dotted line...

it's just a bunch of crap to hoard up and throw around and act like you have a lot of money when you will never be happy with crap you buy you only ruin your life with material things because they aren't real and never will be..greed will ruin your life and everything in it..

I've NEVER had a credit card in my life and I don't owe anything on any bills because I am happy without all that crapola....

anyways....somebody told me the other day I look identical to my DadChad....we look so much alike they can't tell who is who we look so much like each other..I think that's so sweet!!!

a hug from me to you.

baby calves.....

Dad, I just want you to know that I would NEVER be mad at you over anything in this world wherever you are at I hope you are ok..i would never be mad at you over anything stupid people might say you have done or said...because I know you love me and you care about me!!!..don't be a silly!!! I love ya.

I wanna tell you about this I hope you can read this

I have 2 baby calves I am bottle feeding on powdered milk..One is a few months older than the other and the youngest one had some issues with it's leg and it's ears...but I think that calf is going to be just fine!!!..at first I thought how could this little calf ever make it to live...and I told myself that I wasn't going to give up on it and I kept thinking about it and the more I thought about it the more I realized that I could help it get better.....

it's had a tough time getting better...but it's on the mend right now....it had the scours gave it medicine...it's getting better scours are going away....I'm also giving it pellets NOT the molasses calf feed starter or anything like that because that will cause scours....so I really think it's going to be just fine....everything good happens in time..got to be patient and I have trouble with patience...need to work on my patience...it's going to be ok.

sometimes we worry about things so much for NO reason and nothing bad ever happens....because we need to let GOD take care of things like that for us and not to worry so much..that's what I think anyway....

I start thinking that everything bad is gonna happen and all this stupid stuff might happen but it never does so what I do is I need to not get so stressed...but stress happens and everybody gets stressed and cries about things...I do that I think most people do worry and stress and it's ok to cry...

been thinking about a lot of those silly boys from high school and how much we laughed about all the stupid hillbillies around our hometown...those guys were always better friends to me than those snobby girls and I appreciate those guys and I think about them a lot and I wish I could tell them I miss them...they always make me laugh because they have respected me and I want them to know that whenever I see them that I have always appreciated everything they have ever done or said to make me laugh or giggle because they are some of the funniest guys in the world I still remember all the crazy silly goofy stuff they have made me giggle about all those years ago....thanks for that!!!

I have a few friends that are girls miss you sillies too!!!

I wouldn't EVER be mad at those guys from highschool over anything they would do because they would never try to hurt me or anything and I wouldn't hurt them either...I'm confused about lying hillbilly crapola too!!!..help me!!! haha....

funny cat....

I almost forgot about what Punkin Cat did the other day...he always brings things to me he finds in the house..Today he brought me a dish scraper that you wash dishes with...anyway he picked it up in his mouth and brought it to me and put it on my bed and went to sleep...
 
he carries a little ball around in his mouth and he plays fetch with it just like a dog!!!...haha!!!...I laugh myself silly about that cat....he's always finding things around the house to bring me..he steals my hairbands and anything else he can find and that cat even steals things in the kitchen if you leave food sitting around you turn around and it's gone...

because that cat steals everything that's food and hides it in another room and eats it...Punkin Cat is always making a big mess somewhere...

love you.

stand up for who you love....

Sometimes it's tough to believe in yourself to do the right thing....when it seems you are standing alone...but you should always realize that it's usually not just you in any situation.....because lots of people put up with the same problems and get angry and tired of the same things...

I think people should always stand up for what they believe in and not care if they are standing alone...because as soon as you make that first step to stand up for what you believe in or what you are tired of or what someone is trying to annoy you with or any bad habits you may wanna kick to the curb....you'll always find that when you stand up you're never alone....

because a million other people all go through the same thing and the same habits or the same addictions or feelings....sure it's scary at first but you should NEVER be afraid to stand up for yourself and people you love....you can always save someone's life or your life when you stand up for what you feel needs to be done to make a good change...for your own life..or family and friends....or even people you don't know..

I think you should NEVER take anything less than what you deserve and that is what I'm talking about is never harming yourself or someone you love...you should never let the people you love in your life family and friends ever be taken away from you by addictions or by the harm of other people....because once you stand up for their lives and your own life you'll find that there are millions of other people who want to help because they are going through the same thing....

it's important to know that you should NEVER be scared to save someone's life or your own life from an addiction or something that could harm them...

if you are bored with life you should always try to help people and help save people from all the bad influential people and things in their life and save your own life too from drugs or things that may harm them...when you love family and friends you wanna save them and keep them away from all that bad yucky stuff because you want them in your life..(I love you friends and family you know who you are!!!)

so ALWAYS stand up for yourself and the people you love because that day can be the day you save their lives and your own.

nite nite.

my favorite color....

I'm thinking about painting my bedroom and moving rooms...I'm getting so bored with my bedroom.It's too dark and getting old..same room everyday...I need a change...And change is always good....

I think it's good to change up things all the time and paint things different and different colors...I LOVE to decorate and paint...I'm really good at that kinda creative stuff...I know how to match colors and pick out decorations all that kind of home interior stuff...it should match your personality and things you like...

everything I like is cowboy stuff that's me!!! :)

decorating and painting are 2 of my favorite things to do and think about....I like to go to the stores and pick out colors and paint samples and match them to decorations and things like that.

I've always loved colors and I like all kinds of colors to match your personality..everybody has different colors that are their favorite mine is BLUE of course!!!...everybody knows that I love Blue it's my good luck color!!! and my favorite...that's why I have the color Blue with me at all times...on a shirt or somewhere with me, any color of blue in the blue color wheel...all those watery blues or turquoises..all in the blue color wheel....

Blue is a happy and a calm color...it makes me feel calm to see the color blue because it makes me realize that everything is going to be ok.....Some colors are too bright and make me nervous or feel weird because it's a known fact that colors do affect your mood....I've read up on that stuff years ago...that's how I knew blue was for me....color of the sky and the ocean...water and air I guess...

Been thinking about my Dad...I love you DadChad.

not a fake person!!!....

I think sometimes that if you are nice to people a lot of them tend to think you are a fake person..I guess it's because there's not too many nice people in the world sometimes...there's good and bad there will always be....but I think people need to believe that there really are NICE people in the world like me...I think I am a really nice person and I don't judge people or things like that...

it's not fair I don't think to say someone is not who they are when they know who they are in their heart...and that's true for a lot people....It hurts my feelings sometimes when people go around saying I'm fake just because I am so nice...they don't know who I am and I will be really nice to them and they will roll their eyes or something and say:"yeah right" or something tacky like that to me when I am speaking to them face to face....

really hurts my feelings...when clearly I am speaking face to face with someone and they stand there and do the whole snobby attitude...but oh well it's their loss because they don't know a good girl when they see one....

I don't judge people for anything at all they do ever...so don't treat someone someway because of how you think they are when you don't know them....

they say I judge people? I don't judge people...they say I like this? or I like that? or I do this? or I do that??? uh hello?! when I laugh the whole time because they don't know me at all...

I must be really boring for people to make up all that stuff about me...haha..probably because I really am that boring..and I don't care.

this girl--ME...ummm..never have been any of those things they think I am or want me to be...keep on daydreaming...sorry to ruin your fairytale daydream that I'm the way you wish I was...

I laugh about all the stupid rumors and lies saying I do drugs or I'm in love with so and so, or I'm having a baby, or I'm gay..or I have 20 kids...

listen:Attention everybody!!!

i'm not gay and I never have been. 
I don't have any kids and I don't want any.
i never have done any drugs..(people shouldn't do drugs)
I've never slept around with anyone.
I don't want to be married.

I don't judge people for any of those things.

jealous, jealous, jealous of me...

so sick of this smalltown crapola....*eyeroll*

some people have way too much time on their hands to sit around and make up lies about stupid idiotic stuff...I just laugh at it...

because I am not and never will be who you want me to be...I am my own person and that is a good sweet nice person who never judges people or thinks bad of people I don't even know.

love ya.