Today has been a kinda weird emotional day for me..I spent the better half of the day staring into space thinking..staring out the window of the truck..just thinking..thinking about how much it bothers me about my cousin going to prison..and how much i care about him..and how it totally breaks my heart to see a sweet person like him get caught up in drugs and go away forever...
why do people do that to themselves?!
today i found out that he went away this week..
then i stupidly plan out in my mind all the Christmas parties/family gatherings i could have this year and invite him,hug him tight, and tell him someone DOES care about him and love him dearly and that someone is me....i also stupidly envision all the things i could make for the Christmas dinner,the present i would buy him and how we would all stay up til the early hours of the morning laughing/dancing or playing music or video games....without a care in the world...but it can't happen now.
i'm not going to pretend it doesn't bother me that he's gone away for a very long time to jail...and i'm not going to make excuses for him either because what he did was very stupid & wrong...
it's just that, i wish he could've done better you know?...we're the same age and i've always felt super protective over him because he had no guidance in life..i feel sorry for people who are kicked around like he has been...nobody asks to be treated like that..it's just the card some people are sadly dealt..no family support and no love....
breaks my heart people are so careless with their loved ones...i hate his mother..don't get me started on that piece of trash!!!---she's the reason he got into drugs in the first place...i would love to kick her face in..but karma is going to come back around and slap her in the face...you just wait and see..it gets everyone for the evil/negativity they put out into the world...true...so i'm not worried about her... ;) *big smile* *wink*
i also found out that he doesn't want me to know he's gone to prison..which makes me sadder...like i wasn't going to find out from some other family member? makes me sad.
oh well it doesn't matter i guess..so anyway..i've been listening to lots of music this week...
It's strange,but during the fall/winter season the music i listen to changes along with how i change colors in my surroundings...it's weird how i am but that's how i roll!...lol..BY far i listen to alot of the "rat pack", swing,jazz or any of that era of music..it was really great music...beautiful voices/music and songs(wish i lived in that era..But sadly i didn't)....
I also listen to tons of instrumental music--therapeutic for mind/spirit...there's something great about having calmness,calm music in the cooler air...sometimes all you need are a few instruments without words for a tune to tell you a story or make you feel something....it's all interpreted uniquely by each individual i think...that's what makes it so great to me...
sleepy.nite~nite
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