Friday, July 20, 2012

ME = the balance......

My paintings sold last night for $450 a piece!..yay!..i know, it doesn't sound like much i'm sure..but that's a lot in a small town
Grandma was talking to me last night about all this family drama that's a constant in our lives, and about how my great-granny would worry herself to pieces over my Grandma's brothers years ago and all the havoc they continually caused....she had ulcers from all the worry.. ;(

But great-granny was always there..staying up late nights watching the road from her house for car lights til early morning hours...then when they would all finally come dragging in from whatever bar or mischief they had been in,she was there to not question, but to fix them breakfast and tell them how much she worried over them and cared about them...

Great Granny was a wonderful person,kind, caring, and understanding of all of them..she never yelled or judged them..she was always there for her family....i'm sure she knew she couldn't calm them or tame them...because being wild is in the blood's genetic..most the men in our family have that crazy wild self-destructive can't tame the wild..never will....they're not supposed to be wild animals..they are how nature made them....

so i have realized that i am taking great-granny's place in this family with the younger generation...all these years later fate has made me or maybe great-granny is watching down on our family and saying:"Julia,can take the reins"....because i am the only person with the right personality: heart/caring/supportive/calming influence over all these wild men in our family...i don't know why that is?
but i am the one who has to balance out all of their craziness....they're all very protective over me and respect everything i say or do..they love and care about me a lot i know...i think they all think i am still that little baby girl they have taken care of all these maybe that's why....and i don't have the wild insane gene...

it's so funny how they're all bad-ass and crazy anything goes..and i'm this little shy,innocent type baby girl to does not even a tiny fraction of the insanity they all live/do....but i can control them to a certain extent of's so funny..everyone laughs about's just puzzling to me....haha..everyone says i have them all wrapped around my finger...they would do anything for me...aww...that's sweet.
maybe i kinda pull them back down to reality in a way?...something i say?..maybe i know the right thing to say..just like granny did?...I have a way of being a sort of cheerleader in the midst of the constant insanity....i have a knack for damaged people and things....i understand them/don't judge and i care...i'm always for the misunderstood and the under-dog..and apparently the wild

our family is pretty dangerous and unpredictable....spontaneous....lots of just sheer insanity there..i never really know what to expect,so i just go with the cheerlead...i'll always be here in the whirlwind of wildness..standing there to's're gonna be ok...everything is gonna be all right...i love you..don't do that to yourself because i love you..or when i cook dinners for them or buy them birthday means a lot to them..really does..crazy isn't it?

i just love them despite all their craziness the fighting,the ass-kickings,the booze/drugs/wild women/partying(stuff they don't want me to know they do)..haha......maybe i help keep the evil spirits at bay...sometimes? think i do... ;)

Bless you Great-Granny,i think i know what you went through now...i guess i am taking over your place in this family...maybe i am a lot like you.... ;)

but boy,do i have my work cut out for me with this bunch....yikes....

love, julia

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